Separation

The darkness has come
Like the nettle stings all over my knees and arms,
tingling, pulsating at the attack.
Fair play I tell myself
For I pulled out many by the roots today.
They are just trying to survive
and still as I lay beneath the blackcurrent bush
Using all my weight to pull out deep roots,
I notice how the raspberries are still raspberries
Even though they are drowning in nettles, cleavers and buttercups.

'I've done nothing wrong' you say.
'I've had something put upon me' you say.
But I have done wrong.
I have remained a girl whilst in your arms
Submissive and lazy.
I have not grown but stayed timid and disengaged
For fear of revealing parts of myself that I don't like, not ready for.
And now I am alone in the home that we built
Hating myself for not allowing those parts
to flourish and to allow you to see them.

Stolen chocolate from the chocolate box
That keeps me dependent and disenchanted
Rain pours down again, its been a while
And the pumpkin seedlings left out to harden off,
Experience it for the first time.
Such innocence being battered by the will of the skies.

I search your eyes for news of her.
I search her eyes for news of you
and yet I do not want to know.
I am ripping myself away from you both
as if I was to gut a chicken
Its uncomfortable, its undesirable
But necessary for us all to fed.

(The small black cut on the sole of my foot,
infectious and bleeding,
dirty and painful.
I want it gone
but I cannot focus enough to deal with it.
I image it going sceptic,
I see it go green and spread to my toes,
my precious toes
and I watch each one fall off in solitude)

Passion dulled to a heavy smog
licking my core out.