Connections

Leaving was a pretty difficult thing to do, my heart was fluttering anywhere other then my need to focus on the task in hand, which was to move out. Tom was working back in the resturant trade again so he wasn't there to keep me grounded in these last few days of living in our little house in Henley. Grounding myself in times of change was always something that I found impossible to do. Instead I turned into an uncontrollable bouncing ball, knock me off a shelf and that was it, all kinds of diasterous thoughts, explosions of tears, great moments of disbelief and indecision loomed over me but not much relief could be found.

I'll look different in the spring a song told me in a moment of perfect clarity. In that momentI stopped my fantic cleaning of our bedroom and falling onto my bed, 3 years of worry and pain fell out of me and expectancy and excitment wrapped me up safely.

I'm thinking, thinking, thinking.
Too much time to think,
Excitement, hope and passion stirring,
Inspiration reawakening.

But from working, working, working,
Surrounded by people tired and sinking,
Negativity sets in.
It's saddening.

So long to go and so soon to freak out,
No like minds to talk to, no outside source to aim for, no concrete plans to carve.
Just explaining, explaining on deaf ears explaining.
It's tiring, it's draining, is it nothing?

(Is it something?)

It's something, it's everything,
It's got me writing, writing, writing.
Conflict has me creating but keep believing, keep strong.

It's something, something, something. ljmh 2009

Altogether we wwoofed for 10 months and it was incredible. After Christmas Tom and I focused on going to more permaculture projects, more woodland projects and more communities. From mid February right through to the end of May our hosts viewed us as 'professional' wwoofers and gave us independence, creative freedom and some amazing projects to do. From rebuilding a collapsed section of a dry stone wall in north wales to construction a 7 metre willow fence to keep sheep out. From building a polytunnel to creating a woodland vegetable patch from scratch. I have connected with the land and nature more then I ever thought I would. I have discovered my strength and tapped into my wisdom. I have learnt what my boundaries are and Tom's.

I want to send out a massive thank you to all who looked after us, you looked after us well
From that to now and we have been working with Buddhafield. With their cafe at the festivals and at their own glorious festival and now my learning is more concentrated on my spiritual self on my mind. I have faith in my body but my mind is a constantly challenging thing and I am surrounding by people who are challenging me to look at myself in sometimes alarming ways. We have found a community who have moved me to tears and surrounded both of us with love and support at every moment..